Mediocrity

I wish I had space for a grand piano..

Sometimes I feel like I've become somewhat mediocre at piano. I remember I used to be so diligent at learning songs on my own... now, I'm like poop. (Well, then again, I had more time back then. But still, it's summertime, for God's sake, and I still feel incredibly lazy to learn songs on my own.) I went through my compilation of songs I printed from the internet just awhile ago. I'm surprised I made it through two pages of 'Beloved' by Yiruma, which is a pretty difficult song, when I was in freakin' middle school. How did you do it, me? How did you do it? Where did all that motivation go?

I have a feeling it might be because I'm choosing songs way out of my capabilities... there was a period of time during Level 7 when I was in complete chaos with piano. Didn't practice at all. Maybe that had an influence on how I am right now... but, I also do have this tendency to set my goals ten miles ahead from where I actually am. Okay, I would try to find some easier songs, which I have, but when I play them, I feel so babied. Easy songs have a tendency to be so friggin' repetitive to the point where it gets unbearably annoying. (Take that song 'Hikari' from Kingdom Hearts, for example. Super easy, but it repeats itself literally about six times...) And judging from my current situation, I can't play harder songs either. And where the heck would I find "medium level" songs? My God, this is ridiculous.

Piano is the only thing I can prove to be good at, to be honest... I've always wanted to impress people that way, y'know, like how you sometimes see in those movies. I could learn a friend's favorite song and play it for them as part of a birthday gift, y'know, things like that to impress people. But I can't even impress myself to begin with. To prove my point, I've been practicing 'Inochi no Namae' (from Spirited Away) for the past three months, yet I haven't even mastered the first page. Wow, how pathetic. Yeah, I know.

I have so many things I want to improve with myself during this summer... but I always say that and I never do it.... why have I become like this WHY. This is gonna bite me in the ass one day.