Senior Señorita

I haven't written a blog post in awhile, so I guess I'll just whip one up so my blog won't be so dusty again....

So it's been a little more than a month since school started, and unbelievably, I've reached the top of the high school ladder now!! Although... I don't exactly look the part :( But anyway. I remember when my mom and I used to pick up my cousins from their high school, and I'd look at them in my 8th grade student eyes, being all like amagahhh I wonder what it feels like to be a high school senior!!!

My answer?

It feels complicated.

Well, to start off, I felt slightly depressed at the beginning of the year.

I miss my ex-senior buddies, I miss seeing last year's seniors walking around... and everyone looks so unfamiliar. Like, this is it. You're the last of the original pack. I feel that being a junior is the best. You're considered an upperclassman, but you're not the big BIG mommas and papas just yet. You still have people you can look up to. But once you become a senior, you become the one people "look up to." There isn't an actual responsibility to be a role model or a high and mighty person, because some underclassmen honestly don't give a crap about your being a senior, but you still feel that burden somewhere in your chest anyway.

Some seniors start walking around with their chins held up high because of that... but I digress...

What senior year looked like when I
was a freshman

I remember the seniors from my freshman year, because I had a good bunch of them in my Conflict Resolution class. They looked so mature. Some of them looked intimidating. They looked and felt like high school seniors. Just the way they sat in their seats, you could kinda tell... Laid back, arms and legs crossed, kinda loud and not afraid to laugh, looking so damn comfortable.

Do I look like that?

Probably not.

I don't feel like I have a senior aura... I'm still 5 feet tall like I was 5 years ago, I still wear roughly the same clothes I wore in freshman year, I sometimes still sit like I'm trying to curl up inside myself, and to top that off, I have a face and a hairstyle that make me look like I'm 12 years old.... but then again I don't even feel like my class has a senior aura... (I don't mean that offensively, LOL. It's just that since I've seen everyone in my class's faces for the past 3 years, I don't feel like we're seniors.)

Also, for me at least, you reach the point where you start meeting lots of new people who are younger than you... which isn't always a very pleasant feeling... You feel kinda old. I'm so used to meeting people who are older than me, since I was born in November, but being a senior November baby doesn't exactly old-proof you... meaning you can't really be younger than others anymore. As long as you're still in grade school, age is defined by the grade level; it doesn't matter which month you were born in....

But damn, I make it sound like being a senior sucks. WELL, IT DOESN'T. :D :D :D I feel so chillax lately... and just calling myself a senior gives me a sense of accomplishment. Like, I didn't die!!! I made it in one piece!!!! I'm at the top of the ladder!!! I mean, I should embrace the moment 'cuz I'm gonna be another puny freshman again next year, in college. I said I felt depressed at the beginning of the year, but I'm cool with it now... I mean c'mon, I'm gonna get a cool senior crown and a little pom pom on a stick soon...

I SLAVED 3 LONG YEARS WAITING FOR THOSE DAMN THINGS.