In Ten Years

Ten years ago, I was two months from being 8 years old. Ten years from now, I'll be two months from being 28.

A lot can happen in ten years.

I was getting into my "oh-God-college-is-almost-here" mode the other day, and I realized the truth of the whole "each year gradually feels shorter as you grow older" thing. A year seemed so long when I was younger, but now, I still vividly remember my 17th birthday gathering, the one that one of my friends so painstakingly planned for me. For dinner, I was in a very dimly lit Cheesecake Factory, slurping delicious but rather expensive pasta, and all my friends were in front of me, beside me, all around me. It was one of the best birthday gatherings I've ever had. Ten months flew by, and now I'll be turning 18 (hopefully with a driver's license) in two months. That's some crazy truth.

I know turning 18 is just the beginning. Wait, it's not even the beginning; it's the beginning of the beginning. And unfortunately, you're not really an "adult" until you're 25, when you can finally, for sure, check-in a hotel on your own almost anywhere (hurrah!). But turning 18 still makes you legal, and is still one step towards realizing that one day, you're going to be your own person in this debatably harsh, godforsaken society. It creates questions like, will I own my own place in 10 years? Will I have a steady job? Will I be financially stable enough to pay my bills and buy the things I want? Will I have a network? Am I going to be a strong, independent woman who needs no man? (Just kidding.) Most importantly, who will I even be?

Maybe Hedwig will have the answer.

Personally, I also desperately want to know if I will ever be less socially awkward. The career that I want to pursue is ruthless against the socially awkward, but then again, a lot of careers are.

Anyway, of course all those questions are rhetorical. There are no answers for any of them as of yet, because it hasn't been ten years and I obviously have not created the answers yet, since I'm still sitting in the dining room, not in college yet, jobless, with bowl of chopped cantaloupe next to me prepared by my mom. But... I have an answer to who I strive to be, at least.

Growing up, it sucked being the second-youngest (but youngest female) in my extended family. I always seemed out of the loop, I was "the baby," and everyone always seemed to talk about something I didn't understand or know about yet. But I'm a bit grateful for being "the baby" now, not just because I was ever so slightly spoiled from time to time (ha...), but also because I have a bunch of people I can admire, and essentially people who inspire me to further better myself. I admire all my cousins, and each of them have traits that I wish I had, like generosity, resourcefulness, charisma, knowledgeability... But in ten years, I hope to be like them, to be generous, resourceful, charismatic, knowledgeable. I can't be exactly like them, because that'd be kinda farfetched (and a bit creepy), but I want to be my own version of all of them combined. And on top of that, I want to develop some personal characteristic of myself that makes me someone even they would nod approvingly at, too. That's who I strive to be in ten years. Okay, it's a stretch since like I've said, I'm in my dining room nibbling naïvely at piece of cantaloupe while writing this, but goals are good.

I'm sorry but I just had to use this

Though I'm still developing my ten-year roadmap, within ten years, I want to be an able person who can carry herself, and particularly a person whose brain won't melt into a mush whenever a cashier or waiter or stranger tries to strike a lighthearted conversation. (I also want to be a person who is an acclaimed article writer, freelance copyeditor, has her own place to live and has money to buy awesome clothes, but I digress.)

I'll surely be making a mental note of this post. I'll consider it a letter to myself. In the year 2025, when I'll be turning 28, hopefully I'll still be writing blog posts and have positive answers to my currently unanswered questions of the future. But conversely, I shouldn't forget that we all are what we make of ourselves, so just "hoping" to be successful is not even a part of the battle. "A goal without a plan is just a wish."